b) Priorityranking from ‘Women’s Study Bible’.

1. Your personalrelationship to Jesus Christ.

2. Yourcommitment to home and family - especially spouse and children, and even to the extended family.

3. Your responsibilityto employer and tasks assigned.

4. Your serviceto God through ministries in the church and in the community.

Because I am fulltime at home, I see my household tasks as my job. Therefore housekeeping ranks at number 3. It is not an after thought, it is a major priority. In addition to that I have viewed housekeeping in the realm of relationship with my husband asour relationship is affected by the standard maintained in the home! (Consider the Love Language “Act of Service” before you react to that!) I encourage you to think of your biblically assigned occupation of “Home Manager” as priority 3.

Have you evernoticed how often husbands and wives butt heads because they have never sat down and discussed what their roles in marriage will be? Many of us as womenreact badly to the very word “role”. I am not suggesting here, some preconceived societal role, imposed by generations of tradition -  rather a sit down, nitty gritty discussion of talent, gifting and time allocation between husband and wife. We both come into marriage with preconceived ideas about who will do what and wind up frustrated, not realizing that the other’s expectations were different to our own.

Whether or not you have discussed this specifically with your husband, if you are at home fulltime and he is employed full time, you can be sure he views your time at homeas your job. He does need to see fruit of your labour. In my mind, if husbands consistently return home from a full day at work, to find what they consider tobe your workplace upside down, they have a right to be annoyed.

Now Proverbs 31doesn’t say she NEVER gets behind on the washing, that there is NEVER any dust around and that she NEVER gets a priority out of order. It doesn’t say she isALWAYS dressed perfectly, that her husband is ALWAYS happy with her performance,or that her children are so perfectly trained that they are ALWAYS there to dothe dishes after every meal without prompting!

What we see is CHARACTERIZATION. God never expects us to be perfect. The Proverbs 31 woman isn’t in scripture to make us feel guilty. She’s there to give us something to aspire towards. Your house doesn’t have to be perfect, but is your homecharacterized by evidence of labour, or characterized by coffee drinking withfriends or pursuing a personal interest?

“She considers a (new) fieldbefore she buys or accepts it (expanding prudently and not courting neglect ofher present duties by assuming other duties); with her savings (of time andstrength) she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.

She doesn’t neglect her relationship with God or family, or her duties at home because she’s found a fantastic opportunity! She fits in the extra work around herexisting priorities. (see savings of time)”

On a tape from Contact Mums recently I heard something that has been revolutionary to me.  Sharon Carter said (something like)“Make your expectations your goals...that way your expectationsdon’t let you down.” She was speaking with regard to training your children,but the principle applies all over the place!

If I comparemyself to Prov 31, I will be sorely disappointed but if I make thecharacterization of the woman in this passage my goal, I can be encourageddaily as I press on in my relationship with God and see his outworking in mylife.

c) Seasons ofLife

When we had our first two children, it used to feel that everything negative was permanent. I’d had no experience to tell me that a difficult stage would pass. All I could seewere the mountains. It’s taken me years to understand that nothing and no stageis permanent.  My friend Rita’s mum has a saying “And this too, will pass”. This is so true.

The way your life is now, will not be the way it will be when your children are one year older.  Let alone when they’re 5 years older. We need to make allowances for the stage of life we are in at any present time.

If you’re getting up nightly to a newborn or a sick child, your house cannot be the way you might like it. If your marriage is in crisis, your ministry or community involvement should scale right down. Nothing is permanent. Neither where you are at now,nor the way something is if you give it up for a time. God will always restore and prosper WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.

When children are little their physical care requires much time. We may need to give up aninterest or a commitment, just to keep up. This is right and proper. If youthink about how fast time passes, what will it cost to change something that you do for a month or six months or even a year?

I don’t feel the least bit compelled to be overly involved at school. Rod is very involved and I do the best I can which isn’t a lot! By the time all of our children go throughwe’ll have been at this primary school for 19 years ! My time to help there more will come later!

A few years ago Itaught a folk art class at a local church outreach group.  I thoroughly enjoyed this but since then we’ve had two more babies. When approached recently to see if I might return to the group, it was well down my priority ranking. The season has to be right.

Luke 12 :48says “to whom much is given, much is required”.

“Much” in this verse could be time, money, responsibility, talent...any number of things. Incertain seasons of our lives when time is scarce, God actually doesn’t requireall that much! We’re already in His will by maintaining our relationship with Him and caring for our families. Don’t let anyone put the ‘guilts’ on youbecause you’re not at every church busy bee, or doing Sunday school, orfundraising at school or have your kids enrolled for 2 sports and an instrument each! Each thing will come in the right time.

No stage ispermanent.

d) Proportions

Sometimes it’s not a matter of ruling something right out of our life even for a time, but rather seeing it in proportion to what should stay our priorities.

Topic 2: Boundaries

Once you have set your priorities, you will need some boundaries to help you keep them. “Jesus Himself said “no” to some seemingly good requests for His time, when it did notfit with the overall plan of His ministry.” (Women’s Study Bible)

People will be persistent with you as they were with Jesus. People will resist, persist,cajole, pout and otherwise disapprove or disregard your wishes. You must be convinced of the rightness of your decisions in order to stand firm!

People will try and invade your boundaries, and they’ll try and convince you to come out of them. Any new boundary is sure to be tested. Try placing a 12 month old in a playpen when they’ve never seen one before! They’ll scream, shout and shake that thing until you or it caves in!

For GKGW parents,“couch time” should be a priority. To have couch time though, you have to set boundaries with your children.

Our church has abrand new minister. He has put out a program for the congregation to know whereand when he can be reached. Every day between 2.45 and 7pm, he has blocked off as “Family Time”. A minister’s job is unlike any other in terms of his necessary availability to people, so to maintain his priority of family, he has set a boundary with the church. I think it’s fantastic but you can be sure that those whose priorities differ, will disregard this boundary.

Single friends with no children will have the biggest battle understanding the priority of your family. Tread gently with them... they have no way of understanding the time and energy that a family requires.

One way we are dealing with this is the answering machine...On at 5, not off again till 8pm every day. In that time the family need us more than anyone else does. Some can’t believe  we do this! Others know but disregard this, thinking if we hear their particular voice that we’ll pick up! Regardless of time, we do not answer the phone in meal times.

If I’m asked to baby-sit (as happens pretty regularly) during the day, the incoming children have to fit in with our own kid’s routines. With the number of our own kids and the model we are seeking toset for them, others have to fit with us if they want my help!

Two last thoughts here come from the principle of couch time.

Firstly, I tryand have a special time each week with our school age children (The younger ones naturally get that anyway). The others go to bed a little earlier and I spend 45 minutes doing whatever the child wants to do. Play a game, read together, or just sit on the couch and cuddle and chat. All the children know that each one is special and to respect the other’s time with me. They love to know that they are more important in that time than anyone who might phone orany of the other things I might have been doing.

Topic 3: Be Prepared.

This is where weget a little more specific.

Several of the verses in Prov 31 show that this woman is prepared ahead of time. Sure there are days when we do have to muddle on through. But doesn’t life travel much more smoothly when we are ready for the day?

c) Have a place for everything and keep every thing in it’s place. How much time do we waste searching for things? One idea that I’ll share now from the attached handouts has saved me heaps. Mark a manila folder for each month of the year. Place into these any doctors referrals, invitations, tickets,appointment cards etc. for the month that you will need it. Write the date and event into your diary or calendar and you’ll always know where that important piece of paper is when the time comes.

g) Finish things properly. Anything left becomes more work later. Dirty dishes dry and become harder to wash. Washing unfolded crumples, and is harder to fold or needs ironing.

h) Think ahead to the next step of a task and make it easier for yourself.

Get everything you need from the pantry or fridge at once.

Topic 4: Master the Time You Have

a) Streamline everything you do.

Some of these things may only save you a minute or two, but added together in the course of aday might amount to half an hour or more. That’s half an hour to get ahead with something else or spend on a hobby, chat on the phone or soak in the bath.  Half an hour you might otherwise not have.

Personal:Think about the clothes you buy. Do you spend ages mixing and matching? Ironing? Trying on outfits? Have an easy hairstyle. Use a one step shampoo. Use simple makeup (One step foundation).

Kitchen:Stock some conveniences for ‘emergencies’. Freezer meals. Cut out non-essentials like dish drying. Cover clean dishes with a clean tea towel andput them away in the morning.

Cleaning:Buy good cleaning products. Use cleaning items that suit your home. e.g.Industrial size broom for large tiled areas.

b) Watch out for time stealers:

“Primping”             TV / Phone              Friends               Too much sleep        

c) Be realistic.

d) Quit procrastinating.

e) Fit ministry and community work into time at homerather than time out.

f) Double your time.

Watch for ways that you can make double use of time. Peel vegies for tea while you oversee homework. Use a cordless phone so you can keep working when you’re on a call.

Have a child helpyou with a task. They’re learning a skill as well as having ‘talk time’ withyou.

To help you remember and be consistent, attach a spiritual activity to the routine things that you do. Pray God’s blessing for safety as you walkout the door. Pray withor for a child as you brush their hair. I have most of my own prayer time in the shower and as I hang the washing. Keep a Bible near the dining table, and have a family reading as the last of the little ones finish eating. (Food keeps the little ones quiet and the older ones can discuss and ask questions). Pray for purity and future marriage partners when they’re in the bath. Thank God for a brand new day of grace and mercy during grace at breakfast. A lot of this can be silent, family, friends and onlookers don’t need you in their face the whole time!

Sharon Carter (USCM) uses press seal bags containing sections of the Bible to memorize when shehas a bath! I’ve used her idea and written a prayer which I have in the shower!

I keep a tape deck in the laundry to listen to teaching as I fold on rainy days. You can do the same in the kitchen for when it’s quiet enough.

g) Watch out for “Little Minutes”.

• There are times in most days where we might have time that feels like it’s being wasted. It might be just a few minutes waiting to pick up children from school or sport. It might be lengthy periods waiting in a doctor’s surgery. Watch for theses times and make use of them. It’s amazing what you can do in these slots.

• If it’s at home, don’t start anything too ambitious, just straighten a drawer orshelf in a cupboard. Set the table for tea. Put in a load of washing. Think ofyour husband’s or kid’s love languages and do something quick. (Put a flower in their room, a note under a pillow.)

• Keep a short daily devotional in the loo and read a section whenever you’re there. Put scriptures on the wall and memorize! Keep a note pad and pen to jot down things you remember you need to do!

• Fold nappies while you monitor a young one in the bath.

• Keep some kids books in the car and read to your toddler while you wait. Bring any child onto your knee for a cuddle and a talk. Have some teaching tapes in the car and listen in catches throughout the week when you have your pre-talkers with you!

The remaining ideas can be for home, car, waiting rooms, at the playground whilekids play or where ever. (See attached handout)

• Somewhere handy, keep a manila sized hardcover folder with a writing pad and pen inside.  Place any letters that need answering into this. You can then grab this folder at a moment’s notice when headed out the door. Take it with you to doctor’s appointments or other places where you might have a lengthy wait on your hands.  Answer those letters, write your husband a love letter, write to your children,surprise an old friend. Turn dead time into useful time.

• Place into a manila sized envelope anything you want to read, but do not have time for immediately. Publications, newsletters, catalogues etc. Take this folderwith you when expecting a shorter wait. (in the school carpark) Keep a red felt pen in this folder to mark anything you want to refer back to and be able to find quickly.

• Therewas a mum of four at our school when I only had three. I was already pretty organized at that time and used to think in a somewhat superior manner that she must be frightfully disorganized! Whenever we arrived at a school activity, she would be doing her makeup in the rearvision mirror, or changing the baby’s nappy in the back of the van. I now see that she was making use of “Little Minutes” rather than spending those extra few at home.

• I’vebeen known to take babies’ mushy weetbix to school to feed in the car while wewait for kindy at 9am. Theothers have to be there by 8.45, so there is 15 minutes of dead time. Also Ikeep breakfast bars handy for the odd extra early start, so they can eat on therun!

Most of us don’thave servant girls as in Prov 31 :15, but we do have some, all, or thepossibility of, the following.

• Kids-teach them to work, it will be worth the time you invest.

• Husband - doesn’t hurt to ask occasionally. He can’t do what he doesn’t know. 
  

• Friends-you don’t necessarily have to stop what you’re doing if a friend calls in. Acouple of years ago, a friend of mine who came regularly so that we could pray together, made a ritual of helping me fold washing.

• Paid help or task swapping. What is the bain of your life? Can you afford to pay foryour most hated task? (One friend of mine decided to pay to send her ironing out and then decided as she’d like to earn a bit of money, to pay herself to do the ironing!!!) If not, swap with a friend or lessen the pain by meeting with afriend and working together.

• Prov31:15 Appliances. Look after your appliances. Most of us have the basics,washing machine, vacuum. Is it possible to work it into your budget to get adishwasher? A dryer? A breadmaker? Keep them in good working order.

• Servicepeople- Incorporated into the cost of living, are the wages of the people that serve us one way or another. Go to the service station rather than the self-serve for your petrol and use the time it takes to fill the tank as a“Little Minute”(As discussed above). Get the girls at the deli counter or butcher to bag up your purchases in smaller lots to save you time at home. Ask at the grocery store for help to the car or use the parcel pick-up.(Especially ifyou’ve done a big shop, or if it’s raining or stinking hot, you have childrenwith you or additional packages to carry.) Some grocery stores will make uporders and arrange deliveries(Sometimes free, sometimes for a small charge).                                                                                                                                                                                                                           
  
• Ask for help in the store if you need it.They’re on paid time, you’re not. Doesn’t hurt to ask. The smallish owneroperated stores want to keep your business and will be very helpful. The bigchain stores will also be helpful, they have plenty of staff and also want yourbusiness. The real budget places are not so willing, they’re on a budget themselves.

Always check to see if there is something that needs to be taken where you are going.

k) Buy effort savers –

m) Keep structure in your day...

n) Use lists and charts for your children –

o) Teach children to help each other.

p) Don’t do what your kids can and should.

I read of one mother of seven who said that her children do almost all the housework, leaving her to be involved and interested in all of their activities! Now I’m not saying that is necessarily correct, but I think western society in general,vastly underestimates what children can do for themselves!

GFI sells a book called “What Every Child Should KnowAlong the Way”. It lists age appropriate tasks for kids. Don’t be doing what they should. A kindy childis capable of putting his apple and drink in his bag and at the door ready to go. A grade one child is capable of making sure their lunchbox is emptied of rubbish and on the sink to be washed every afternoon. It may seem like an uphill battle to get a child to take on a new responsibility, but it is easierto do that, than try and get them to take one that you have carried for them for too long.

Have things that you expect of them at certain times of the day. Use the 5 minute warning. Have a set time for additional chores rather than interrupting their free play timeand run the risk of exasperating them.

Conclusion

Somewhere alongthe way I’ve realized that my perception of time has changed. At the start of motherhood I used to count how many times I’d been up if I had a disturbed night. I knew how many hours of sleep I’d had and compared it to the amount ofmissing hours feeling terribly sorry for myself.

I used to feel that my time was my own and saw my responsibilities in an unfavorable light as detracting from what I really wanted to be doing.

I now see time as the reverse. That time is not my own. That I have responsibilities to fulfill that are non-negotiable. That instead of the time I don’t have, I see all thesmaller chunks of time that I do have. These are my own once my priorities arefulfilled. It’s like a photo negative. The reverse image of the exact same thing.But now I see what I do have, instead of what I don’t.

There were once three stonecutters at work. A stranger approached and asked the first ”What areyou doing?” He received a sharp reply “Cutting stone, can’t you see?” Thestranger asked the same question of the second man. He answered with barely asmile “Making a living.” When the question was asked of the third stone cutter,he looked up with dedication and a smile on his face and replied “I’m buildinga cathedral”.

The thirdstonecutter had vision and foresight. As mothers we need that kind of a visionof the value of what we are doing. Prov31:18a (In the Message) Says “She senses the worth of her work”.

We need to keep our eyes on the big picture. It’s so easy to get weighed down by the mundane.